Tag: summer

Quirks – Why Summer is More Annoying for Me

One of the weirder things for me is that while winter and fall don’t trigger much for me in the sense of seasonal depression, I do find that my ire is usually higher in summer.

Maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s that folks tend to be out and about and louder and I’m just the classic old-guy yelling at kids to get off his lawn (if I had a lawn). Perhaps some of it stems from being more of an introverted personality. I’m more asocial than most of the folks here and I prefer a relatively low-hum drum level of base noise over the raucous sounds of a celebration. Could just be that I find it easier to deal with the cold where I can just add layers versus the heat and humidity. There’s only so many layers you _can_ take off before people are likely to call the cops on you.

Whatever the root cause summer isn’t actually my favorite time of the year and this summer has been particularly hot and humid. As a result though I’ve tried to focus on healthier habits. Less fats, lower sodium and sugars. More keeping hydrated, more vegetables. I suppose in some way this is my chance to get a jump start on trying to be healthier so when the weather does get cold and rainy and I can’t get my body moving, I’m not backsliding as much.

You can’t change the conditions outside (climate change not withstanding) but you can change how your habits shift to adapt. Amid all the different things I’ve learned while trying to navigate my depression, the need to adapt is probably the biggest. It’s uncomfortable and difficult at first but once you find a path that works for you while also being positive forward momentum it gets a little easier. If you’re still trying to find your route don’t get frustrated, it’s going to take time. One thing, one small step, just take it at your pace.

Slow Days of Summer

OK that seems backwards right? Summer is supposed to be an active time but truth be told, for me summer has been a work slog punctuated by the occasional range visit.

I’ve been doubling down on two vastly different coping tools these last few

months. My focus time getting behind my guns at the range practicing and bread making.  These two things have nothing to do with one another but they work for me. Firearms are always a touchy subject and especially with gun violence in the news it sometimes feels like I’m courting controversy on a nearly weekly basis. The gradual improvements and things I can try make it an activity I’m able to sink my teeth into and that is hard to come by with my anhedonia.

With bread making while there’s no controversy there’s certainly carbs. I was actually pleasantly surprised to find out that while the bread can go about three days outside it’ll last another week in the fridge meaning my efforts can hang around a while as a spare snack bread or quick-breakfast option. Anyone struggling with depression can probably attest that making a healthy breakfast in the morning can seem like a monumental task when an episode hits and that’s no different for me.

Several friends announced their engagements and it has at times been a difficult thing to hear. It’s weird knowing that while I am happy for them all, the prospect also gives me pause and at times becomes cringe inducing. It’s been over two years since my divorce and matrimony holds little in the way of appeal. Maybe some day I’ll be ok enough to attend a wedding again, but today is certainly not that day.

While people complain about the heat and make summer plans, I’m mostly looking inward. Another year older, a lot of things to reflect upon and change. I find my blog to be quiet as of late, with no real profound words of wisdom I can share, just the daily struggles and what’s worked and hasn’t. Here’s to hoping that for anyone else struggling this season with depression in any form that there are at least a few days of solace sprinkled amid the rest of the days.

Anxiety and Dealing with the Summer

I’ll admit, while I may not suffer from seasonal affective disorder, with my dysthymia and anxiety I feel like I’m almost the inverse of the norm on SAD.  I actually dread summer more than winter or fall.

This summer in particular has been a little rough. Legal and financial matters to tie up relating to the divorce have weighed on me, the weather here is humid and muggy making my usual days just that much more uncomfortable. I’ve tried to focus on short-goal projects as of late. A new VMware lab to tinker with, study material, the occasional game now and then.

When most folks are enjoying the outdoors and celebrating, I recoil and look inward. Maybe it’s because my birthday falls in the middle of summer and this year in particular I have no desire to celebrating getting older. Slowly managing to drag myself outside more as needed, but rarely for ‘pleasure’. I take no joy in going out to see what’s out there. As a close friend described it, life is grey. Sometimes I feel like summer turns me into more of a vampire as I’d rather venture out at night or in the early hours of the morning both to avoid the summer crowds and to avoid the heat. I can barely look back upon my memories and imagine that I ever looked forward to the summers off.