OK that seems backwards right? Summer is supposed to be an active time but truth be told, for me summer has been a work slog punctuated by the occasional range visit.
I’ve been doubling down on two vastly different coping tools these last few
months. My focus time getting behind my guns at the range practicing and bread making. These two things have nothing to do with one another but they work for me. Firearms are always a touchy subject and especially with gun violence in the news it sometimes feels like I’m courting controversy on a nearly weekly basis. The gradual improvements and things I can try make it an activity I’m able to sink my teeth into and that is hard to come by with my anhedonia.
With bread making while there’s no controversy there’s certainly carbs. I was actually pleasantly surprised to find out that while the bread can go about three days outside it’ll last another week in the fridge meaning my efforts can hang around a while as a spare snack bread or quick-breakfast option. Anyone struggling with depression can probably attest that making a healthy breakfast in the morning can seem like a monumental task when an episode hits and that’s no different for me.
Several friends announced their engagements and it has at times been a difficult thing to hear. It’s weird knowing that while I am happy for them all, the prospect also gives me pause and at times becomes cringe inducing. It’s been over two years since my divorce and matrimony holds little in the way of appeal. Maybe some day I’ll be ok enough to attend a wedding again, but today is certainly not that day.
While people complain about the heat and make summer plans, I’m mostly looking inward. Another year older, a lot of things to reflect upon and change. I find my blog to be quiet as of late, with no real profound words of wisdom I can share, just the daily struggles and what’s worked and hasn’t. Here’s to hoping that for anyone else struggling this season with depression in any form that there are at least a few days of solace sprinkled amid the rest of the days.