One of the biggest issues I’ve faced in dealing with dysthymia is motivation. Let’s face it when you don’t feel joy from anything being able to put forth focus and dedicate time to something becomes harder and harder to do. This applies to just about everything I do, including my coping mechanisms.
Lately I’ve taken a bit of a hiatus from my target shooting to focus on budget and managing things in my day-to-day life. While this is good in the sense that I’m trying to be responsible, it also meant one outlet for stress wasn’t really there. Normally I’d turn to baking or other small projects (LEGOs, journaling) to help me with focus but that wasn’t really working out. Today however I tried to get back on track and reminded myself of the need for short-turn around rewards, playing the short game. The hardest thing is starting, definitely a truth that anyone struggling with depression or anxiety has to deal with. I found myself getting up thinking “Hey I’ll make a loaf of bread” and then as I’d plan out I realized there was the entire process of having to prep, proof, form, bake, cool and well there went any motivation I had. To try and get out of this pattern I tried to alter my routine slightly so I wouldn’t lose motivation. Normally I brew some coffee in the morning but this means waking up groggy, grinding beans and making a fresh cup of java. This time however I opted to brew some coffee the evening before so that I wouldn’t have to go through the process while I was at my lowest motivation point. Luckily I happen to like iced coffee and cold brew. So here I was at 6AM, fresh-ish cup of coffee in hand. I wouldn’t try to force myself to make a big loaf of something, I set my sights a bit more “down to earth”. I opted to make something which didn’t have to proof or was nearly as involved. A simple drop-scone recipe.
The change in my routine kept me a bit on my toes and working on a recipe I hadn’t done before gave it novelty. As I preheated my oven and sipped my coffee I piled together my ingredients on the table and got ready to mix. Once my oven was at temp, in started the mixing. It was simple, quick and something I hadn’t really tried before. No loaf pans, no complex yeast to factor in. After a quick mixing I grabbed a scooper and plopped the dough down and in it went. Twenty minutes later out came the net result. Thankfully the baseline recipe I opted for worked pretty well and now I had some nice strawberry scones to go with my brew. It was a small victory, but one that I needed to keep me going.
If you find your drive slipping during a depressive episode or just as a general low, try to take a step back and look at what you can do to switch from items requiring a long commitment to things you can do within your interests or coping tools with a shorter return. It isn’t always easy to find ways to reduce that investment but it can provide that kickstart and inertia to keep you moving forward. Sometimes you have to play the short game to make progress in the long game. It’s never easy but you can make progress.