Odds are by the time you read this post, one of the web resources that I used during my most difficult bouts of depression will have shutdown. MyCounterpane.com founded by Kate Milliken after her MS diagnosis was in many ways one of the few safe havens I found at the time which allowed me a degree of privacy and options to help me track my mood changes, talk to other people who were dealing with similar issues and by and large conversations were moderated to insure that things never got too far out of hand. While MCP is formally shutting down May 1st, I thought it important to comment on why there’s so much of a need for sites like MCP and I do hope that Kate finds a way to continue to achieve her goals in community building and perhaps finding a business model that works to help connect folks in a collaborative and supportive community.
Working in IT I’ve always had a weird love/hate thing with technology. While on the one hand it can bring people closer together, I’ve also felt that at times it serves to lessen the quality of interaction we have. That’s not to say that every interaction needs to be some grand event but between social media and online toxic communities it can be terrifying to put yourself out there if you don’t fit that perfect mold of the “OMG I’m so happy and blessed and popular” Facebook star, YouTuber or Instagram icon.
The two resources I used during the middle of my divorce were MyCounterpane and Pacifica, both were online tools (with Pacifica offering a subscription option) which allowed me to objectively look at mood trending and each had their variation of ‘posts’ and community chats which were intended to allow open and frank conversations. As time went on I needed to use those resources less though I still tried wherever possible to keep tracking my attitude and emotional states (and in the case of Pacifica, health habits too). While for some this might seem silly when you have all these broader communities such as FB, Twitter or Instagram, my general impression of most of them is that the vast majority use the same typical language. “It gets better”, “Just get over it” or “That’s sad, I wish I could help” We all fall into these patterns, that’s the catch-22 with a connected world when difficult emotions arise, when mental health issues are present most folks can’t do anything but send well wishes.
Sometimes its easier to talk to a strangers than the people close to you. This adage was especially true for me. In the midst of my divorce one of the biggest issues was that I found it almost impossible to really engage with any of my friends before conversations became too uncomfortable. Being able to vent to a community of other people going through a divorce or people who had dealt with depression following divorce was freeing. Advice wasn’t tinted by a past, opinions were just that and somehow easier to read and move on. Agree with me, disagree with me it didn’t seem to matter as much as being able to get my thoughts out there and getting perspective. In some cases I had to reflect more upon my actions, others I’d look at the actions my ex had taken and tried to shift my view. It wasn’t particularly fun at first but got easier over time. I came to also realize that not all online communities were necessarily a ‘safe haven’. Reddit’s /r/depression sub is certainly a mix of good/bad. For the most part the community sincerely tried to help one another, but at times the amount of reaching out could become overwhelming. I often found myself taking a step away from the sub-reddit when I realized I was brought down in mood more by seeing how much others were struggling. I still find myself going back now and then to see if I can offer my thoughts and opinions in a constructive way to someone else who is just starting on their journey but self-monitoring my own state is still top priority.
While MCP may be gone, I do hope that other groups, free online communities or even subscription business models find ways to become as accessible as possible to people looking for help. The first few steps are hard, I won’t try to sugar coat that. Taking those steps though can mean the difference between feeling completely overwhelmed to finding a way to ride through the storm.
Online Communities and Resources:
As a general aside, online communities can be a helpful resource but if you find yourself needing help, seek professional help be it a general physician, a psychologist or even a therapist.
Pacifica/http://www.thinkpacifica.com/
WordPress
While not expressly focused on depression, I’ve found a number of great bloggers all sharing their experiences and stories