Category: Blogging-Slice Of Life

This will mark my first Christmas since my divorce was final and my second since my marriage basically ended. The depression is pretty rough, even if it wasn’t for the holidays but for me it’s never been particularly a fun time.

My parents separated right around the holidays and perhaps owing to my mom being Vietnamese we were never really big on celebrations. It was mostly just about having a simple meal with the family.

These days I realize I don’t care so much about things and gifts, it’s always been about spending time out of a hectic schedule. This year though to be honest, I feel like Christmas is just Dec 25th, another number and box on a calendar.

I hope to be able to get through the three days of the Christmas weekend and just survive. It sounds over dramatic, I know, but for me I think it will be a while before I’m ok with dealing with people during this season. I hope that folks who may come cross this blog understand that between folks who suffer from persistent depressive disorder, major depressive disorder or even just season affective disorder that the most joyous time of the year can for many be the most painful time of the year. To those in the same situation as I am, find that little thing you can focus on to get you through, find someone to confide in during the rough spots. Best wishes to all as the year comes to a close.

http://amzn.to/2hSDqrq
Hardcore Self Help: F**k Depression

I generally don’t try to pitch specific products or anything but I did find this a very good read. Robert Duff’s writing style is very frank and he tries to simplify elements of CBT and psychology to something relatable by most folks.

I appreciate the levity and honesty in his style. He doesn’t imply that simply reading his book is a cure to depression but that it’s a guide to show a possible direction to take your treatment options. Some of the approaches he has are simple yet accessible and often re-enforced by his reminder that the process of learning to cope with depression is a gradual one.

Though sometimes the bluntness of his wording may be off putting to some, for the occasional stubborn therapy patient (of which I’d say I qualify) it can be a pleasant read.

One of the elements of depression and anxiety that I’ve found to be a true catch-22 lies in the nature of conversation and engaging others. You don’t conquer depression in a vacuum, you need interpersonal relationships, that’s a given.  The problems arise when trying to engage others becomes a weird lop sided affair.

One of the most typical things for me at least has often been ‘looped’ or single word replies. We’ve all been there, and social media, email/instant messenger apps make it happen. You say something, hoping to engage in conversation, you get back “that’s cool” or “ok”. There may be a myriad of reasons for it, folks are busy, things have different priorities. On the receiving end though it often feels like a brush off or a deflection. It isn’t their fault of course, therein lies the catch-22.

From my side I need to remind myself that everyone has their lives they are leading and timing doesn’t always mesh. I also have to remember how to phrase things so that they understand I’m reaching out. When you’re fighting depression it can be hard to not sound like you’re being negative but that’s another factor. Most folks don’t want to discuss negative things, it takes a toll.

It’s a daily struggle but I’m working little by little to restructure how I engage folks and not letting the ‘busyness’ of life make me dwell on the negativity I feel.

One of the difficult things about trying to get used to my anxiety and depression is dealing with the holidays. More specifically getting used to a time where everyone expects you to smile, to be jolly. Spent years doing so for my ex-wife, my family. I’m not trying to do so anymore.

These days I will be myself. Oh I’ll be polite and appropriate but I’m tired of trying to fake a smile, trying to meet the expectations of the world. Nobody likes a Grinch but sometimes you have to be honest to yourself rather than trying to please others because ’tis the season’.

My family has never really been big on celebrating the holidays. Maybe it’s because my mother is Vietnamese and for her, the holidays were more about church and a simple family meal than gift giving. For me most of Christmas’ have always been tempered by some kind of tragedy or sadness. With the divorce I have even more reasons to dislike the season. For me I just want to live through Christmas and be allowed to welcome the New Year with my truest face. Whether or not the holidays appeal to you, I do hope that everyone finds what they are looking for and are able to bring in the new year as best as they see fit.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/dec/01/magic-mushroom-ingredient-psilocybin-can-lift-depression-studies-show

An unusual treatment course being tested, though the context of this article needs to be considered, that being cancer patients. There’s so much we don’t fully have mapped out and understand about the interaction of elements of the mind and conditions such as depression, anxiety and other more severe mental health issues.

I’ve tried basic improvements with fitness, meditation and some supplements to help re-balance my vitamin levels and serotonin. At least in my case my persistent depressive disorder seems manageable within reason but I am worried that if I fall into a major depressive episode I may need to look at more in depth psychiatric care and medication.