Chocolates abound, red hearts everywhere, stuffed bears and roses at every corner. Yeah it’s that time of year again. As a divorcé I’ve come to develop a very mixed relationship with this time of year. I enjoy seeing my married/dating friends happy, but it’s something that I feel somewhat separate from. Not because I’m unattached but because the idea of romance is so far out of my head that it almost feels alien.
I’m approaching V-Day 2020 a little differently this year. In years past I’ve generally just walled up and tried to simply get other work done. This year I’m debating doing some range time, either a competition primer or just a range practice day. I hope to bake, motivation willing but I don’t want to isolate as much as years past. The most painful parts of my divorce are done and I realize I have to start taking those baby steps forward.
One aspect of Valentines that’s always hard for me with my depression is similar to what pains me about Christmas. It has become almost competitive as a social standing. With social media I’ve always felt like Valentines day is a game of one-upmanship where each couple is looking to top the next one they see. “Your bf got you roses, mine got me roses chocolates” “oh yeah, mine got me gold roses and imported chocolate” and on and one. The extent to which this judgement is pushed, marketed and sometimes used to shame others has gotten unbearable for me. If you love someone shouldn’t you be showing that just about any day? Sure maybe you can make a different date plan but it should be intimate, not spread-eagle for the world to gawk at.
If I had a singular hope for those people struggling with mental health issues around this time of year it’s that I wish any one with depression, anxiety or any other condition to have a partner that knows that it’s the isolated, intimate moment that makes a day like Valentines potentially special. Sometimes it isn’t the grand gesture or showing off about town. Sometimes it’s just as simple as heart shaped pancakes and being able to Netflix and chill with someone that gets you. The world doesn’t have to know your love, long as your love knows they are the world to you.
