Well OK that isn’t a particularly uplifting title but for me it’s been nearly three years since my divorce and my formal diagnosis of clinical depression. Some things have changed, some haven’t. There are still matters relating to the divorce that I need to attend to but mental health and my therapy course has made at least moderate progress.
I continue to work on my diet, exercise and CBT and for the most part, though I am not ‘joyful’ in any sense of the word, I am less prone to major dips in my mood. Essentially flatlined emotionally I’ve been more attentive to my mood shifts and adjusting my patterns as needed. I took up target shooting which has helped my focus (granted it is a somewhat dangerous combination). Began baking as something outside of my comfort zone with perhaps some mixed results (diet + baking is not a fun balance). I began this blog which I hope has reminded random readers that depression and recovery are a lengthy journey and one that takes patience. I know for a lot of bloggers the idea that I actually don’t go out of my way to promote my blog might seem weird. Really though this blog is less about getting followers and more about having a cathartic option for myself which if it coincidentally helps someone looking for information about depression, all the better.
I have a definite love hate thing with food. Like many folks battling depression, food for me often becomes an escape mechanism. It’s a tricky balance for me though as cooking has also been one of my forms of stress relief. I do genuinely enjoy sharing what I make and there’s a thin line between making a bunch of baked goods and not eating them all myself. As I’m terrible at gift giving, I wound up making multiple batches of cinnamon buns for friends at work and at the range.
With a more properly outfitted shooting rig, I am also trying to be somewhat more social and getting out of the house to do target shooting. I can imagine most mental health care professionals would cringe but I don’t keep ammunition readily available and agreed to safe-keep my weapons in the event my mental health declines.
Perhaps trying to kindle my inner child though, I’ve also taken to LEGOs. Yes this sounds weird but I think being able to sit down and slowly build something provides a similar focus and my gun interests. I am able to see a result in a short order which prevents me from getting too frustrated and giving up too soon.
Everyone has a different treatment option, depression is such a wide spectrum with so many root causes and potential ways to mitigate them that I’d never claim to be expert. I can only share what works for me. If you’re starting off the new year and finding motivation is hard or consistency is not coming naturally. Look at some alternative options, maybe things that are just a little outside of the comfort zone or just variations on the things you’ve done. Novelty has its uses and you never know you may just find something you can become passionate about. Go at your pace, reach out to health care professionals, just remember it’s a long road but you got this.
