Month: January 2018

Depression and The Ability to Converse

One of the things I’ve noticed over my first few years post-depression-diagnosis is that I sense I’ve become harder and harder to converse with. I still maintain conversations with my closest circle of friends, my therapist and coworkers but friends who were more casual friends I feel I’ve taken to become a ‘one-liner’.

It’s an odd feeling, to feel like any attempt to start a conversation is met with sort of a one-line response. Emails, instant messenger apps, all of these mechanisms cease to be conversations and become a one line banter or response often feeling more frustrating than fulfilling. At times I can’t tell if it’s just me, them, or a multitude of factors.

I’d imagine others experience the same type of issue. I often can’t tell if it’s because I’ve become too self-focused when I speak to others which makes the conversation very one sided or it is that people from my circle of friends don’t know how or what to say anymore. I realize that awkward or not I still have to put in the effort to converse but I do worry that it’s a balancing act. I converse just enough to let others know I’m still ‘around’ and OK, but I won’t have many easy-flowing conversations.

Photography: Depression — A Night In

Rarely have I picked up my camera in the last two years. To be honest, I’ve probably done more ‘shooting’ at the range than I have behind the lens in the last four years.

The face of depression is something I deal with constantly and it’s often hard to describe to people what it means to live with it day in and day out.

A Night In

I happened upon my reading light and my usual ‘before bed’ get up and thought the angle and framing told the right narrative. A small area of light, surrounded by mostly darkness. A sense of something comfortable yet also an intangible discomfort. Those are some of the themes and senses I get from my depression. Everyone’s depression is different and I hope perhaps someone viewing this may find common ground. Don’t give up, don’t let depression win. Express yourself even if it’s just something simple as a photo before bed.

Different Perspective on the Diagnosis Treatment of Depression

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/jan/07/is-everything-you-think-you-know-about-depression-wrong-johann-hari-lost-connections?CMP=share_btn_tw&__twitter_impression=true

Depression is approached from a myriad of ways. There’s no real silver bullet in its diagnosis as there are a number of factors at play.  Neurological, behavioral, environmental variables are all a part of it.

For me a combination of diet, CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and changes in hobbies have helped stem the tide of depression but it’s not the same for everyone. The article above by Johann Hari; an extract from his book Lost Connections: Uncovering The Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutionsl  delivers an interesting perspective. The notion that another factor in depression relates to a sense of self worth and how people view their work life or other unfulfilled needs. Personally I would say I have for many years been a workaholic. I enjoyed challenges and the job generally was fulfilling. As the years continued though I know my satisfaction wavered here and there. Eventually I had to depersonalize my job as I felt it was a major factor in my increasing depression.  These days, while I still have the same job, I try to frame the challenges within it differently. I don’t treat the ups and downs of my job as a reflection of who I am as a person. While it’s helped, it’s still an ongoing struggle. I enjoy what I do, not always the other conditions around it.

While this is obviously not something necessarily easily changed it provides another angle with which to attack the problem. I’ve always been a proponent that any been of information is ammo in a fight and this is just another resource to be considered.

New Treatment Alternatives for Depression — Magic Mushrooms

Magic mushroom compound might treat depression by reviving emotional responsiveness in the brain

This isn’t the first time I’ve seen posts regarding the ongoing research being conducted in using magic mushrooms to help treat depression but it’s interesting that it’s been cropping up more and more.  Psilocybin as part of a treatment regimen sounds promising, though most studies I’ve read indicate it’s use in Major Depressive Disorder I do wonder how it may be applied to more mild forms of depression.

The main take away I’ve had from a lot of these studies tends to be that we’re still a bit of a ways off on understanding how the diff treatment courses may have to be tailored per patient and what areas of affect actually yield the best return.

For myself I’ve mainly focused on lifestyle change and supplements intended to help with general brain health and serotonin production. While not as intense as a full SSRI treatment I’ve had an easier time with emotional fortitude (for lack of a better term) than I have in the past. It would be my hope that if this treatment course gains traction that it becomes more readily available as something that HMO’s will be more apt to adding to their formularies.