Holidays always push my self-reflective side into overdrive. Not necessarily in a good way. Much like Thanksgiving last year, I had to get used to the changes in my life. The end of my marriage, the battle with depression. Shower-thoughts got me thinking about a number of aspects of how we frame life and how much depression causes that to go askew.
We all grow up with stories, fairy tales where the prince finds his princess and they live happily every after. Reality is of course not that plain and simple. Sometimes you find your princess and discover that life is difficult, that happiness isn’t always easy to come by.
The last few days of self reflection have me looking at myself in a most negative light. I sort of feel like I’m not meant to have a happy ending. I’m a background character set to toil and eek out his living. It isn’t rational, I know that but the feeling hangs on me like a dour blanket. I know I have to fight, I know I will lose friends along the way, these are all realities of the changes I’ve been a part of and some I’ve set in motion myself. If you’re in the same situation as I am, know that I understand what you’re going through. Sometimes the fight seems like the last thing you want to do and you just want things to ‘end’, but as long as you’re fighting you’re living.
