Perhaps it’s just because I’ve been watching tons of Star Trek (50th Anniversary this month) or because I’m a sci-fi fan in general but one of the things I’ve observed about depression and anxiety is that it changes our perception of time, not unlike a black hole.
It sounds silly, I grant you that but the idea of time dilation is still held as being valid, that the closer you are to a black hole the slower the passage of time. The thing is human perception is a bit like that as well. Depression and the changes in your mind make time move slowly. For me days drag on, I lose my semblance of where I am relative to everything else. After a while when someone indicates “let’s meet up next week” I feel if I don’t set a dozen reminders for it, I’ll miss it entirely.
Compounded by my insomnia, I found that in order to be less annoying and seemingly “more normal” in my online patterns I had to adjust things I did. Instant messaging became a calculated game of time/availability since rarely were folks active when I was. I began using a GMail extension called Boomerang so that I could ‘schedule’ emails to be sent as not to bother people at 3AM with notifications because I ‘happened to find something’.
Keeping busy seems to be the main way I get around the difficulties in perception. Reading, trying to absorb myself into an activity that is either mindless or has a routine to it. I think this coping mechanism is why so many people who suffer from depression are viewed as ‘lazy’. It’s a daily battle but one that I’m slowly finding my path through.
