I’m grateful that the condo I live in has a strict policy of only allowing trick or treaters in the lobby area. As a result all the residents simply donate to a bigger collection of candy downstairs.
The relative silence and time away from the Halloween festivities made me think about what I’d even want to be. The reality is the costume that would make the most sense is someone who isn’t battling depression.
Never had much in the way of holiday spirit, used to go along with it till things were over and I could resume my usual flatline moods. It’s difficult to be happy at events when you feel like at any moment you’re going to crawl out of your skin. It’s irrational certainly but there’s no accounting for the sense of unease and anxiety that permeates in social situations for me. I push through as is needed or expected by cultural norms but sometimes I feel like every time I have to fake it to survive I lose a little something in the process. Hopefully I can gradually reclaim what I’ve lost, but for now I think it’s more an attrition phase than a rebuilding one.
