The title to this a bit more dour than I really want but it was something I had thought about. The last three years for me have been a weird time of aging out in a sense. I guess turning 35 I started to really feel the weight of being disconnected from the younger crowd. It’s dragged on, just about inline with my depression.
It wasn’t a bad thing per say, but little by little a blend of my age and anhedonia crept up. My love of photography, all things geek (comics, sci-fi, anime) started to fade away to the point where none of the activities I once found fulfilling had any sense of joy. I’d shoot photos and watch things and smile and feign interest but inside, there was nothing.
Sometimes when I sit and think about it I can’t tell which came first. The sense of aging out of the things I enjoyed because my inner child had to grow up, or if it’s because my depression symptoms began to eat away at what made those things special to me. Gradually I’ve tried to take a new slant on the things I once enjoyed. I’ve picked up my camera again, but I’m not shooting as I once did. Gone are portraits, cosplays and things with light hearted nature. Photographs of thinking are the only thing I seem to be able to do now. It’s been a painful, uncomfortable road to be sure. The person I was feels a bit like an after image in a shot and I’m on the 2nd shutter now.
