There’s a painful shift that I experienced as depression settled in and my marriage began to fail. The honeymoon phase was there, where I felt needed and wanted, but over time I felt like it didn’t matter what I said or did, nothing was viewed as important by my spouse. Gestures, compliments helping around the home or with her projects, didn’t matter. The only time it mattered was when my ex-wife felt I was infringing upon her freedoms.
A lot of it I should have headed off early on, told her how I felt. Back then I was married and while I viewed her as my significant other, I felt in the relationship I was just viewed as the insignificant other. Depression started to make me averse to any interaction. I became withdrawn and isolated even in my own home. It’s difficult to explain it to others because it seems almost silly if you look at it from the outside. You feel alone despite being there with your spouse. You share a bed but you don’t feel like there’s any you there. To me there’s plenty of blame to go around. I kept silent about my unhappiness as did she and eventually any bond we had had soured and faded until what we wanted meant not being together. I don’t view my ex as a bad person, I just feel we both made bad choices.
