One of the most difficult things with depression and especially depression and a divorce is I found myself reflecting a lot about all the things that went wrong and my inability to change them.
I don’t ever contend that I was blameless in the failure of my marriage. Not understanding the scale and scope of my depression was a huge part of it. My own abrasive personality not withstanding. It took a lot of sessions for me to really gradually get out of the blame game loop and start looking backwards at things I couldn’t change.
The thing is there’s still positives to be had by self reflection if taken in the right framework. It isn’t that you should dwell on self-blame and the past. Everything that was amiss I now try to look at as things I should work on to change going forward. Accepting that has been a struggle but it’s one I continue to work at every day. I try not to internalize my frustrations and seek outlets, not holding in when I disagree with things as much. Some days it feels like too-little-too-late but I remind myself that as long as I’m still here, as long as I am still trying there is no such thing as too late to improve myself.
